Though it was 6 years ago now, I remember it like it was yesterday. I slept like crap the night before, which was normal for me at this point, and I was jacked up on god knows how much caffeine. As I walked into the gym to train, I was my usual crabby self, getting agitated at anyone breathing the wrong way. I knew I had a big workout in front of me. In my mind, there were numbers I “needed” to hit in order to convince myself I was improving, that I was worth it. The universe had other plans that day as I blew out my back on my final set of deadlifts. How bad was it? As soon as it happened I was on the floor writhing while my buddy Jason sat by me trying to understand what the hell just happened. The first thing that went through my mind? “How am I ever going to train if I need surgery?” The pain was a 10/10. In looking at the situation now, yes, there was an acute injury, but it was the fear that subsequently released and intensified the pain ten fold. Jason had to carry my out of the gym that day, reluctantly of course, and I owe him greatly for that. Lucky for me I didn’t have to have surgery, but I was sidelined from training for two months. It was during this time that I had to face the facts:
I was dealing with more than just physical pain
I was completely identified with being an “elite athlete”
Unfortunately, I was on the inside of the proverbial coke bottle and I couldn’t see the label from the inside that everyone could from the outside. However , a close friend recommended a book, The Divided Mind by Dr. John E. Sarno. My buddy knew that it was time for me to read this book.
The long and short of The Divided Mind is that Dr. Sarno, a world renowned spine surgeon, worked with thousands of patients in his career who have come to him with neck and back pain. Most of the patients he saw had gone to multiple doctors, had scans, injections, and surgeries without relief of their pain. The common denominator in most of them was that their pain was exacerbated or completely manifested by repressed feelings and emotions, and that their back/neck pain is psychosomatic. Furthermore, their physical pain was their so they didn’t have to deal with the deep emotional pain that they were carrying. I was intrigued by the notion that people would actually rather have debilitating back pain than to acknowledge that they had experienced trauma, or that they were unhappy with their lives. Lastly, the simple act of making his patients aware of the truth about their pain relieved most of their symptoms completely, or at the very least, alleviated them. Some patients with severe pain symptoms however, were referred out to psychotherapy, as awareness alone was not enough to completely cure these patients of their pain.
After reading Dr. Sarno’s book, it was clear that my next step in my recovery was to work with a professional to address past trauma in my life. It was a challenging step, and I had no idea how I could afford it as I could barely pay my bills at the time. I knew I couldn’t live my life the way I was anymore, so I set forth an intention to at least start looking for a therapist. Luckily enough, I fell into a great situation, with an unbelievable therapist, and the best part was it worked perfectly for me financially.
We should rarely ignore pain (both physically and emotionally), and that’s something that I coach to my clients. Pain is a great teacher and will guide you on a path if you listen and are open. If you are dealing with pain, it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether working with a coach to address physical limitations and structural deficiencies, or mental health specialist (or both) there is another way.
If you’d like to talk more, I’d love to help. Click the link below to book a free assessment today. You won’t regret it.